Can Hope Hold Us Back?

We’re taught to believe that hope is always a good thing. It keeps us going through tough times, helps us imagine a brighter future, and gives us strength when everything else feels uncertain.

But hope has a shadow side, too. Sometimes, it keeps us stuck exactly where we are.

Hope whispers: maybe they’ll change… maybe next year will be better… maybe this job will finally feel different… maybe if I just hold on a little longer…

And so we stay.

Whatever we are not changing, we are choosing.

The Problem With Hope Alone

Hope, without action, easily turns into waiting. It soothes the discomfort of the present but delays the courage to make choices. We trade the messy work of change for the comfort of believing things will shift on their own.

The truth is, sometimes hope keeps us tethered to what we should already be walking away from.

Choosing More Than Hope

This doesn’t mean hope has no place—it can be a powerful companion. But hope needs to walk alongside clarity and action.

• Instead of hoping someone will respect your boundaries, decide how you’ll respond when they don’t.

• Instead of hoping work will get better, ask whether the structure is even capable of changing.

• Instead of hoping life will feel different, choose one small step that makes today different.

Hope can open the door, but it can’t carry us through it.

The Nuance of Hope

The philosopher Michael J. Sandel once wrote that “hope is the enemy of change.” His point, in a 2015 essay for The American Scholar, was that persistent hope in existing systems can blind us to their deep flaws—keeping us invested in patching the surface instead of pursuing the radical shifts that true transformation might require.

There’s truth to this. Passive or misplaced hope—rooted in waiting, wishful thinking, or denial—can keep us trapped in cycles that never change.

But research also offers another perspective: when hope is active and purposeful, it becomes a catalyst for transformation. Psychologists find that this kind of hope builds resilience, strengthens agency, and fuels engagement with challenges both personal and global.

This “action hope” doesn’t just soothe; it mobilizes. It says: I see the difficulty, but I believe in the possibility of change—and I’m willing to act on it.

A Gentle Reflection

So the real question becomes: What kind of hope am I holding?

Is it the passive hope that keeps me waiting for someone else to change? Or is it the purposeful, courageous hope that empowers me to take the first step myself?

Sometimes the bravest move isn’t holding on. 

If this resonates with you and you feel ready to make some changes in your life, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to support you. Read more about me or get in touch to book a session.