Take Your Power Back: How to Shift Your Attention Away From the Narcissist

It’s common after leaving—or even while still dealing with—a narcissistic partner, parent, or sibling to find yourself caught in loops of rumination:

• How could they be so cruel?

• Why did they do this to me?

• How can I get back at them?

  
  

This mental replay is understandable. It’s your brain’s attempt to make sense of harm, chaos, and betrayal. But notice what’s happening—you are still giving your attention to the narcissist. You are still handing over your most valuable resource: your energy. It's time to shift your focus back onto yourself.

Time to shift your attention back onto yourself.

Why this shift matters

• Narcissists thrive on attention, even in your thoughts. Continuing to analyze them keeps you tied to their world.

• Ruminating doesn’t bring answers or closure—it only drains you.

• Redirecting energy inward creates space for healing, clarity, and growth.

  
  

Where to focus instead

If you don’t yet know your bigger “life purpose,” that’s okay. For now, your purpose can simply be becoming your best self. This doesn’t happen overnight—it’s built step by step, beginning with small acts of self-care.

Some practical ways to start include:

• Simple self-care habits: drink a full glass of water first thing in the morning, cook yourself a nourishing meal, or try out a healthy new recipe.

• Movement: ask yourself what kind of movement your body needs and enjoys—maybe a walk, yoga, or stretching.

• Journaling: put your feelings of grief, rage, or resentment on paper instead of carrying them in your mind.

• Learning: explore reliable resources about codependency, boundaries, and narcissistic abuse dynamics to bring understanding and direction to your recovery.

• Self-discovery: get curious about who you are now. What do you value? What do you enjoy? What did you love as a child? Journal your answers to uncover parts of yourself that may have been buried.

  
  

Track your progress

Notice how much time you’re investing in yourself versus thinking about them. Recovery can feel like a blur, and it’s easy to believe nothing is changing. Tracking your progress offers a tangible reminder that you are moving forward. Even fifteen minutes spent reading about boundaries, preparing a meal you enjoy, or journaling is proof: you matter, your needs are important, and you are building your future.

You are not ignoring the pain. In fact, you need to acknowledge it in order to be able to move on, but healing is about choosing, again and again, to feed yourself instead of feeding the wound. With each small, consistent act of self-investment, you take your power back.

If you wish to go a little further I'm offering counselling services here in Perth, WA or via zoom. Everyone welcome.

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