Narcissistic Abuse: Why It’s So Hard to Recognise

Narcissistic abuse involves a range of subtle, precisely timed, and manipulative psychological behaviours from someone with narcissistic traits. Unlike physical abuse, it often leaves no visible marks. Instead, it erodes a person’s sense of self, reality, and stability over time.

There is no single, universally agreed-upon definition of narcissistic abuse, as it can take many forms and often remains undetected — even by those who are living through it (Howard, 2019).

Narcissistic abuse survivors may feel confused, dismissed, unvalidated, and even “crazy.”

Why It’s So Difficult to Define

While the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are well established in psychology research, there is far less empirical evidence on how narcissistic abuse impacts those on the receiving end (Howard, 2017).

As Shahida Arabi (2017) points out, there are at least two main reasons for this:

• The covert and insidious nature of narcissistic abuse — it is often hidden beneath charm, manipulation, or half-truths.

• Its complexity — narcissistic abuse can look very different depending on the relationship: intimate partner, family, or even workplace dynamics.

This lack of clarity, validation, and research leaves many victims in an unbearable state of confusion. Without being able to recognise the source of their distress — and without the support or validation they need — they may struggle for years in silence (Howard, 2019).

The Psychological Impact

It is now understood that survivors of narcissistic abuse may experience:

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) (Schneider, 2018)

• Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (NVS) (Louis de Cannonville, 2023)

  
  

Van der Bill (2022) estimates that around 60 million people in the U.S. alone may be living with the effects of narcissistic abuse. Yet despite these staggering numbers, narcissistic abuse is still not widely recognised by mental health professionals.

For example, the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (2023) — under its family, domestic, and sexual violence resources — lists physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, along with coercive control, stalking, and elder abuse. But narcissistic abuse is not explicitly acknowledged. This gap makes it much harder to guide victims toward the right kind of education and support (Howard, 2019).

Why Victims Often Go Unbelieved

Understanding narcissistic abuse can be difficult for anyone who hasn’t experienced it. Survivors’ accounts of elaborate manipulations may sound “unbelievable” to outsiders, while the extreme distress they feel can make them appear unstable or irrational (Howard, 2017).

Victims are often:

• Gaslighted into doubting their own reality

• Reduced to “narcissistic supply”, used only to meet the abuser’s needs

• Deprived of identity and self-worth

• Conditioned to self-doubt and second-guess every decision

• Belittled and humiliated

• Isolated from family and friends through lies and smear campaigns

  
  

After years of these dynamics, survivors may feel confused, dismissed, unvalidated, and even “crazy.” Without proper recognition or support, they risk being retraumatised (Howard, 2019).

Finding Recognition and Support

Sadly, many victims only begin to make sense of their experience when they stumble upon online forums, blogs, or survivor communities that name their reality as “narcissistic abuse.” This first step of validation is often crucial for healing — helping survivors seek out an informed therapist and begin to reclaim their sense of self (Louis de Cannonville, 2023).

Final Thought

Narcissistic abuse is real, deeply damaging, and far more widespread than currently acknowledged. Greater recognition — both within mental health fields and in public awareness — is essential to ensure survivors are believed, supported, and guided toward recovery.

If reading this resonates with your own experiences, know that you are not alone, and the confusion and distress you’ve felt are valid. Understanding what has happened is an important first step. Reaching out for informed, supportive guidance—whether through a counsellor, support group, or trusted professional—can help you make sense of your experiences and begin reclaiming your sense of self.

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References

Arabi, S. (2017). Power: Surviving and thriving after narcissistic abuse. Brooklyn, NY: Thought Catalog Books.

Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. (2025, 19 August). Family, domestic and sexual violence. Retrieved from https://www.aihw.gov.au/family-domestic-and-sexual-violence/types-of-violence

Howard, V. (2019). Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 40(8), 644–654. https://doi.org/10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485

Louis de Cannonville, C. (2023). Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: What the heck is that? Retrieved from https://narcissisticbehavior.net/narcissistic-victim-syndrome-what-the-heck-is-that/

Louis de Cannonville, C. (2023, 17 September). Private correspondence.

Schneider, A. (2018, 22 July). Healing from complex PTSD in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/savvy-shrink/2018/07/healing-from-complex-ptsd-in-the-aftermath-of-narcissistic-abuse#1

Van der Bill, B. (2022, 29 March). How common is narcissistic abuse in the United States? Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/health/how-common-is-narcissistic-abuse-in-the-united-states